instruMental

Stream of Thought: Dreams

2011-06-17T23:16:00.001-04:00

one time i slept so deep that the lines between dream and reality crossed over into each other like a classic shuffle by allen iverson or tim hardaway but the hard way of dealing with it was to try and separate the planes but when the fact of the matter is that somewhere along the road of slumber and consciousness i began to place the dreams on the brick road of reality and and that reality decided to take another path and the dreams not knowing the awkward angles and nooks of each paver taking me farther and farther away from the reality i once knew because yeats once said to tread softly, i say what's the point of stepping on your dreams if you aren't running the path?

Stream of Thought: Adventure

2011-05-14T21:41:00.003-04:00

i feel like i've been stuck in between cities on the highways that connect gainesville to everywhere else and truthfully i've traveled more than a thousand miles in the past 5 weeks causing pains to my back and my wallet but for great times and great things to which i'm glad i'm stuck in the middle of the winding curves of the turnpike or the gran clusterfuck turismo that i'd like to call atlanta traffic because all roads lead to adventure and adventure is out there just like 'up' said though i do believe i'm an somewhat of an amalgamation of russell, carl fredrickson, and dug and the house i fly is my car and the balloons being my camera and while my funds can only push my so far away from home what's life worth living if you can't make an adventure out of it?

Lost

2011-02-19T21:21:00.004-05:00

Somewhere along the line,
I got lost.

My heart hath wander with
no direction.

Can I find my way home
in your soul?

To Write Love for No One

2011-02-08T21:12:00.003-05:00

One can only write about love if one has been in love. As much as one can draw from that experience to write love, it drives one weary when they're constantly written to no one.

Rest in Peace: Eddie Ko

2010-12-13T15:52:00.002-05:00

When you lose a friend, for a few moments, nothing matters. Your mind becomes lost to the void of oblivion and memories, only for it to return with a renewed sense of mortality and a dull ache of sadness.

I'm sitting here remembering a friend with whom I used to work with at a job I have to run off to in a handful of minutes. I've always been better at writing my thoughts down, and I always feel it's necessary after the lost of a loved one, out of respect for a memory. "Death is when you are no longer remembered."

Eddie: you were the kind of person that could always make people laugh. Sure, you were always ridiculous at work, but work was work: you always tried to make the craziest times out of it. No one's going to forget all your antics at work: your constant need to yell "Kobe" throwing stuff at the garbage, your promise to slap a certain "scumbag" upon leaving Bento, and teaching half the staff to curse in Vietnamese.

I spent most of my time with you at work, and only a few outside of work. I caught laughs with you all the time though, and when I caught you at your more sincere moments was when you were not just a co-worker but a friend. It was fun. And I appreciated the moments.

Remember you always along with my other friends and family that have passed.

I have to run off to work now, not like old times.

R.I.P. Eddie Ko

TJ Pascua
Jackie Emnas
Loida Mabilangan
Oscar Canonizado
Mandoy Mabilangan

In Drive

2010-09-20T02:52:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I like to drive, especially when it's late and cool enough to wear a jacket and feel the nip of the wind on your cheeks. I like to feel the wind flowing between my fingers and over and under my palms, reminding me of the long talks and companions in the other four seats. I like to drive past the places where they all used to live and all the times we had there. I like to drive the paths to get there because I'll never forget how. I like to get coffee on my midnight run because normally I'm rushing through, and now, I'm rushing off to nowhere. I like to push my car a little bit harder, take turns a little bit sharper, and the needle a little higher just to remind myself I'm alive. And sometimes, I just long to be home and sleep.

:]

CHM

2010-08-31T11:53:00.000-04:00

‎ ‎"I sat in class trying to balance the equation of our love, but in trying to I found that the formulas and elements meant nothing if we didn't have chemistry."

Toll Road

2010-07-17T02:43:00.000-04:00

Countless hours of work, countless hours of thought, and countless hours of sleeplessness were the toll you had taken on me. If that's what it takes to finally make it to you, I'd pay it gladly.

Cold Shower

2010-07-05T03:30:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I like to stand in the rain, hoping that the earth would wash away my transgressions and fallings. Although I have found the forgiveness in the comfort of others, the stains of guilt and regret are harder to remove.

Instrument + Mental = instruMental

2010-06-06T02:01:00.002-04:00

Happy 100th post. :]

My this blog has just been really... random. All sorts of stuff. Prose and poetry and everything else. :p

Well here's to at least 100 more. haha

Speechless

2010-06-04T02:52:00.000-04:00

I want to hear the gentle sigh that escapes your lips when I brush mine across your neck that says, "I'm yours."

E.O.D.

2010-06-03T02:17:00.005-04:00

Telling that someone you like them is like defusing a bomb and deciding which cable to cut. Then, it's either "boom" that's the end, or you live another day.

A Cup of Coffee

2010-05-31T00:37:00.000-04:00

"I longed for your kiss like I craved a hot cup of coffee. As much as I didn't want to get burned, I longed for the bittersweet taste of your lips, the warm caress upon my tongue. But even after I had my fill of the first, I surely wouldn't mind the caffiene dependency after."

"Addicted"

2010-05-21T02:36:00.004-04:00

Your very presence intoxicated me with the sweetest feelings. Every time I would get a hit, you would just leave me wanting more and more, yearning for that smile and feeling of euphoria. But then, you left, and left me with nothing but bitter withdrawal.

"Lost in Translation"

2010-05-18T02:20:00.001-04:00

Everything made sense, and you made sense of it all. When you left, all the melodies turned into noise, all the poetry into gibberish.

"Silent Conversation"

2010-05-13T21:25:00.003-04:00

You spoke your love, silently resting the words upon your lips. I quietly listened when you placed them on mine.

Snap Writing

2010-05-12T15:46:00.003-04:00

I've read a lot of "I Wrote This For You" and I'm mezmorized by the ability to put so much implied emotion into such a small amount of words. I enjoy emotional writing, but I've had a lack of a muse for a long time. For the past couple weeks I've been trying just to get back into my writing moods. So, here, I'm just going to post random stuff I think of during the day. I'll call it snap writing. :]

Here's the first.

"The first time I saw your smile, I started falling for you. Every time I see it, I fall again. I don't mind the falling. Because falling can also feel like flying."

"A Miss" Late Night Inspiration

2010-05-02T02:19:00.004-04:00

Written on the fly tonight. :] Really rough, no real editing. Word play, multiple meanings? *shrug* Not written with anyone in mind. :p

Enjoy.

"A Miss"

I miss you
because I missed you.

I knew it because everything felt amiss
My mind fogged in a sort of mist
like a missile strike of realization.

Remiss in our love or lack thereof,
Mission failed, I did
Dismiss the chances,
But through my own admission:
I miss you,
because I missed you.

Commissioning myself:
The signals in transmission,
I gave my submission and
Waited for your permission.

Maybe you missed me.
Or maybe your signals
I was just missing.
Or they were.

Was I remiss,
allowing my imagination
to run away with You?
Not a mistress,
or anything like that.
But in my dreams,
I wanted to turn your Miss
into my name plus Misses.

I couldn't deal with the thought
of missing you.

So, Miss,
The simple omission from my life,
My life was missing you,
My life misses you.

So I miss you,
because I missed you.

UPDATE: 5/4/2010 3:13 AM. Definitely rewriting this. :p

Disappearance

2010-04-20T14:12:00.000-04:00

Man I really haven't written in here for a long time, but I blame it on school, work, and photography taking the wheel.

I've had so much I want to write, too.

I have to get back into my prose and poetry writing soon. I SHOULD have time this summer. :]

<3

Nujabes

2010-02-27T15:42:00.001-05:00

Random:

This Music is Mine. I'm just an Ordinary Joe Luv (Sic) on this Reflection Eternal, an Eclipse to the Worlds End. Rhapsody playing while the Light on the Land from the Sea of Clouds and the Horizon hits the Flowers. I wish I was a Feather floating like a Sign of my Modal Soul. Thank You, world.

Zac and Annie's Photoshoot: The Aftermath

2010-02-24T22:47:00.000-05:00

On 2.21.10, I ran a photo shoot with two of the most amazing couples and possibly the cutest couple I've ever seen, Zac and Annie. Assisting me was the extremely capable and clutch Dean Nevins.

I have to say I was really kind of nervous about this. All I had to go on was a lot of reading and a lot of looking at other pictures. We started out at around 2 PM at Haile Plantation. I just started out with an "easy" shot, the couple walking together hand in hand away from the camera. Just as a little test to my nerves, my camera wouldn't take the shot. Was my camera malfunctioning? Is the trigger shot? Is the lens communicating with the camera? What am I going to do?

Nope. I had left the camera in remote shooting mode from the night before when JJ and I did a Kage no Bunshin shot. Oops.

After that, things pretty much started falling into place. Our lovely couple's chemistry is evident in ALL the pictures. It wasn't hard shooting such awesome models; I pretty much just captured moments.

I've been doing a lot of experimenting with wide crops and black and white. I was discussing with Dean out of the photo shoot that I really didn't know when to implement them. I was just throwing them into the mix when I felt it would work. Above is one of the shots that have been getting more attention than the others.

Above is an issue I had to deal with when shooting at this time of the year: less than vibrant natural colors. I had been worried about how much editing I could do to "fix" the less than ideal conditions for a love based shoot. Shooting in the winter, the natural lighting comes out cooler than usual (no pun intended). I did a lot of lighting temperature editing in post. I'm not sure if I hit the mark doing it though; sometimes I feel like I warmed up the pictures too much. It's just another thing I need to get better at. Also, in the above shots you can see that there are a lot of dead leaves lying around and such. It makes for great fall and cold weather wear photography but not for this kind of shoot. Harrison advised me to use black and white to eliminate the feeling of winter and I'd like to say it worked. I also cropped out a bit of the picture in the black and white to give more focus to Zac and Annie.

Overall, this was quite an experience. I couldn't have done it without my models and my assistant. I think they came out well, judging by the reception of my friends.

Until next shoot. :]

"Good Morning" - John Legend

2010-02-18T00:01:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiIuWugPH74

[Intro]
Good morning,
Good morning love,
It's my favorite love song,
I waited all night long,

[Verse 1]
Before you get into the shower,
Before you worry about your hair,
Baby give me one more hour,
I want you to stay right there,
I dont wanna lose a moment,
I dont wanna miss a kiss,
If I could plan the perfect day, love,
Then I would start it just like this,

[Chorus]
Good morning,
Good morning love,
It's my favorite love song,
I waited all night long,
For morning,
Good morning love
Before we start the day dear,
Im whispering in your ear,
Good morning.

[Verse 2]
Now baby how can I commence you,
I'll make it so you can't resist,
Whatever else you have to do now,
It can't be half as good as this,
I'll case you underneath the sheets, love,
And I won't let you get away,
The day won't be complete, love,
Unless we get a chance to say,

[Chorus x1]

[Bridge]
Open your eyes,
See my son rise,
I feel you're scared,
...
Day breaks so sweet,
When you're next to me,
So stay each night,
So each morning will be,

[Chorus]

Let's get lost together,
I will smile forever [x2],
Was morning

So Much In Love

2010-02-17T01:38:00.002-05:00

A short one that's been in the works since august. Told myself I would finish by Valentine's. I want to say it's finished. It's so cheesy, but I guess that's the point. I might edit it again later, but here it is for now.

"So Much in Love"

Ahh, Falling in love.

I fell in love once.
Twice.
Ok, maybe 3.
or 4 times.

Yes, I fell
but I fell like
war's fallen.
Fallen in love.

I want to fall again.
I want to fall so much in love.
I want to fall so much into love
that I lose what's left of my sanity
staring deep into her eyes that
I may never find it again,
and holding on to her
is all the sanity that
I would have left to hold onto.

I want to fall so much in love
That her smile could light my spirit.
I mean the world has darkened the view
And I would just look to you
for the light, that shines.

I want to fall so much in love
that her embrace would be
my panacea. I mean,
who knew that,
Her arms around my neck
mine around her waist
could cool my anger,
melt my icy heart,
give me such happiness,
and soothe my pain away.

I want to fall so much in love
her kiss might kill me. I mean,
I would rest my lips on hers
and I may as well rest in peace
because the peace of mind I find in her kiss
is the only peace that this love
can provide my weary soul.

I want to fall so much in love with her.

Whoever she might be.

Where am I?

2010-02-10T01:33:00.003-05:00

I have been writing, just not publishing. :] Expect many updates soon!

A Valentines Poem (Not Mine)

2010-02-05T12:21:00.001-05:00

Plumbers are Red.
Hedgehogs are Blue.
Press start to play,
And be my player 2.

XD

Doing Good.

2010-01-19T17:57:00.004-05:00

The earthquake in Haiti is a tragedy. The fifth worst natural disaster in history, and the second deadliest earthquake in history.

While the focus should be on taking care of the victims, there are those who determine that this is the best time for political and religious argument.

Pat Robertson said that Haiti was "cursed" after making a "pact with the devil."

Rush Limbaugh said Obama was using Haiti to get closer to the “light-skinned and dark-skinned black [communities] in this country.”

Matthew Archbold at the New Catholic Register said that atheists are desperate to prove that they’re as good than religious types. That atheists can't define good and evil, and are only borrowing from Christianity. "But we’re glad for the help anyway. Thanks."

I don't do good things to prove myself to anyone. I don't do good things to improve political standings. I don't do good things because of god.

I do good things because I'm human.

That said:
http://www.unicefusa.org/?gclid=CNu254rKsZ8CFQnxDAodLm7R1A
http://OxfamAmerica.org/Haiti
http://www.google.com/relief/haitiearthquake/
http://doctorswithoutborders.org/donate/

text YELE to 501501 to give $5 to Wyclef's Yele
text "HAITI" to "90999" to donate $10 to the Red Cross

And Reconciliation.

2009-12-23T21:58:00.001-05:00

One of the best things ever is getting the support and faith of my parents in my passion for photography and business.

Merry Christmas, Everyone.

Truth.

2009-12-23T02:03:00.001-05:00

One of the hardest things I've ever had to tell my parents is that my passion isn't in nursing and never has been.

Christmas Light Hero

2009-12-22T15:11:00.001-05:00

Wow, i wonder how long they took to program this.

Freethinking

2009-11-27T20:50:00.006-05:00

For almost two years now, I've wrestled with the general concept of theism and the viability of it's belief in my life.

This is my background story: I was born into a Catholic family, baptized and raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school for 14 years of elementary, middle, and high school. I received Communion and was Confirmed. In high school, I studied the Catechism of the Catholic Church and read my Bible through and through. I also studied World Religions, which was a great introduction to the "outside world", if you will.

I want to say my views have changed over the past year in terms of theism and atheism. Earlier in the year, I was disturbed by the demonization and discrimination of atheists by theists and even of theists by theists. I believe that fire's since cooled down, though there are still many instances of such.

As of right now, I wouldn't label myself as agnostic; there's much I still have to read and learn about other religions and the world in general. I would like to think I'm open-minded to the possibility that there may be a god, though many people label me as otherwise because I ask questions, many of which are difficult.

Instead, I've been trying to be a freethinker. What is freethought? It's much more than just religion. According to Wikipedia, "Freethought is a philosophical viewpoint that holds that opinions should be formed on the basis of science, logic, and reason, and should not be influenced by authority, tradition, or any other dogma. The cognitive application of freethought is known as freethinking, and practitioners of freethought are known as freethinkers."

What does that mean for me? It means taking opinions with less weight than personal observation and/or research. I can tell you that the transition has not been easy. Opinions can sway minds, and I trust my friends. It means a lot of stepping back and looking at the big picture. It means being doubtful of many things, which I've become very familiar with over the past couple years.

Don't get me wrong. I love intelligent, non-confrontational discussion of... everything, theism included. “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” I love discussing opposite philosophies and viewpoints; religion just happens to be one of those philosophies and viewpoints. I do warn you though, I do ask questions that are sometimes upsetting, but need to be asked. I don't mean to offend at all. I don't feel the need to disprove anyone. (I found this to be particularly difficult to let go. lol) Experiences will always vary from person to person.

So let it be known: I'm an freethinker.
That can change though. My mind will be open to new information. My door will always be open to people and you.

I hope that this doesn't change your opinion of me as a person or a friend. I'm just looking for answers, even though it may end up there may be none.

Adventure is out there. :p

The Past Month

2009-11-24T00:34:00.003-05:00

Yeah. It's been awhile and I apologize.

Things have been busy in my life. Everything got crazy after I got my camera. I think it was just the explosion of happiness of realizing something you've always wanted and wanted to do. I made myself busy and I liked it that way. Photography has always been something that has intrigued me and interested me; I just didn't have the proper tools to act upon those interests.

My camera, a Canon XSi, arrived on October 13th. I named her Xai after Cecey typo'd XSi the same day. At first, I started off really casually, taking random pictures at events and meetings with my stock flash and kit lens. Then, we found out Jon's flash worked perfectly on my camera. I took on one of Jon's gigs with the flash in tow and after that I was hooked. FAHM and K-Month were great starting runs for me, and I thank everyone for the opportunities to shoot. After that, if you saw me show up to random events, not only is it from interest in the event itself but also it's partially because I want to practice what I've been learning and to experiment with different environments and settings. If it's bothering anyone, let me know please.

I plan to buy my own flash and telephoto lens in the next couple months.

Other than that, FAHM and K-Month were amazing. I got to meet so many people and participate in so many interesting events. I would write more about this, but I'll let my photos do the talking this time.

More to write another time. G'nite!

Ray Charles - You Don't Know Me

2009-10-28T01:48:00.003-04:00

Beautiful song

For all you facebook viewers, you can't see embedded videos so either click on "View Original Post" or follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-5LwRinkJ0

Tuesday Morning

2009-10-27T18:33:00.002-04:00

Not the store.

Tuesday mornings are great for writing. You see, at 8 AM every Tuesday this semester, I have a test in Medical Terminology. My work schedule is set at 10 AM to 2 PM every Tuesday. I usually get done with my test at around 8:30. I drive to Starbucks right in front of Bento Blue and I end up having around an hour and twenty minutes to a cup of coffee, my notebook, and myself.

I rarely have a moment when I'm without all the tech I usually carry with me. I can't keep my laptop or camera with me because I have work and that would mean either leaving them in the car (bad because they could get stolen or even just burn up in the heat) or stuffing them somewhere in Bento (bad because of possible damage and, unfortunately, theft).

So, I just sit musing over my notebook and allow thoughts to roll through my head. Either I write down the ideas or I follow through on one of them. I've got a bunch of concepts on a couple pages. I finally got down to actually writing poetry in my notebook a couple weeks ago.

Hopefully I get to share them on here and devArt sooner or later. In the hour and a half or so I get, I sometimes don't really get a chance to clean up these poems.

Happy writing. :]

People say my tastes in music are crazy...

2009-10-26T22:53:00.004-04:00

I just say I'm instruMental.

It's totally my fault that I surround myself with good music.

New picture in the header. My own this time so check it out. :]

In Memoriam.

2009-10-26T03:22:00.008-04:00

In my time here on earth, I've seen many friends and family go. Despite my experience with the such, the pain of loss is never something one gets used to.

My uncle in the Philippines lost his fight with colon cancer on Saturday.

My parents let me know as they were driving up to Gainesville. I didn't have a chance to really think about it until now. With my parents in town, work, and other important matters, time really wasn't on my side. The world doesn't stop, but right now I can slow down. I've only got my tea, my cat, and my thoughts as companions now.

Being on the other side of the world from all my aunts, uncles, and cousins, it's hard to associate his death in my mind. I only get to visit the Philippines every few years and it's always a joy to see and converse with all of them. I love them all. Don't get me wrong, I am sobered to the fact that my uncle is gone. It's just that the realization will happen when I visit the Philippines and there's one less uncle there to greet me. It'll happen when I visit Batangas and my family's burial plot where my grandparents and my other aunts and uncles that have been laid to rest.

My aunt, Tita Loi, is there. She died after suffering from many complications from her breast cancer in 2004. Sometimes it's hard to believe she's gone, even though she's been gone for 5 years now. I remember all the times she used to visit from the Philippines and the random trips around Florida we would take to show her around. She used to love playing with our dog Rocky. Speaking of, he passed a year and a half ago now. I miss both of them.

It's funny that Chris and I got into a short discussion tonight about wondering what people think about you. The line had come up about how would one be remembered. I often wonder how I will be remembered. When someone leaves my life, I always recall a certain quote that I'll never forget: "Death is when you are no longer remembered." Thus, I keep those who have passed in my memory always.

I'll always remember TJ Pascua because what used to be our joke is now a phrase I use as my own. "A dollar and mad props." I'll always remember Jackie Emnas for her smile, to zanarkand, and that ride she gave me home from my first Calc test on the day I met her. I'll always remember Oscar Canonizado for all the random laughs and as an inspiration for me to pick up the guitar. I'll always remember Loida Mabilangan for her guidance and her inimitable laugh. I'll always remember Rocky for being my first dog who would yank me around the neighborhood and then lay on my lap at home even though he was a golden retriever. They live in my memory, and through those memories they still shape and define my life as much as those who are still here.

As much as I carry this sadness on my mind, I can not forget my friends and family. They give me my joy and my strength, and pressing on with life is just as important and remembering those who have come before.

I'm thankful for the moments spent with family and friends, no matter how minute.

I know I'm rambling, and I apologize. It's just the surge of thoughts that come when I'm in this mood. There's much to think about and many things to remember. The cold and quiet night is quite the catalyst for such.

It's getting very late, and I should sleep.

Mandoy Mabilangan. Rest in Peace.

Skepticism

2009-10-25T00:29:00.002-04:00

You know, sometimes I look back at what I've written in the past and say "Wow. I wrote this?" I do it for blogs, prose, and poetry.

I mean I don't mean to brag, but sometimes I have a hard time believing in my ability.

I recall one time when I found a text file buried deep in my computer and I opened it up to read this poem: Pool Hall Days. There was no author cited. Upon finishing it, I couldn't remember why I had saved it, or if I even wrote it. I went searching online for the words that were written, googling every line and verse. I even called my friend Adam, who happens to be an amazing poet if you ever get a chance to hear him, to ask him if he had written this one. After he read it, he told me that I probably wrote it. Upon re-reading it and re-reading it I slowly started to remember the lines and my thoughts in writing it.

I don't know why I have a hard time recalling what I was thinking or where I was when writing these things. Maybe I just fall into that flow state of inspiration where mind and pen decide that there's no need to get memory involved. Maybe the words I was writing were more important than the time and place.

Ah, I love finding inspiration to write though. Like right now.

Pool Hall Days by instruMental

How I Met Shihan

2009-10-24T20:46:00.002-04:00

So I had just got done hanging out with Dean, Sherwin, Dorothy, Annie, Trisha, and Ronica up at Midnight Breakfast, and I got into my car in the garage and was just driving out, thinking about what I had left to do before my parents came in the morning when out of the corner of my eye I see a figure standing on the phone.

And then I recognized that it was Shihan.

If you don't know who that is:

(The first poem I heard from him.)

I had given up the chance to meet him right after exhale since there were so many people in front of me. And I kinda wanted to hang out with people. lol

In my stunned moment, I hit the brakes, turned on my hazards, ripped out my notebook from my camera bag, and ran up to him to get his autograph. I felt kinda bad because he was on the phone but he seemed to take it in stride. I thanked him and told him he was an inspiration.

I left, got back in my car, set it into drive, and barked a happy laugh.

Lucky me.

Random Thought: Paperclips

2009-10-08T23:05:00.002-04:00

I've had this box of a 1000 paperclips since '03.

I've used them to pop stuff open, clean and scrape things, and reset certain electronics.

I don't remember using any of these paperclips for binding papers together.

Ever.

lol

"A Moment (I Stole It)"

2009-10-06T15:05:00.006-04:00

(I don't know whether to call this poetic prose or free verse poetry... lol I suppose it's based on structure but I'm just going to type this in how i have it written in my notebook. Anyway.)

"A Moment (I Stole it)"

I was studying blood flow and the circulatory system when I felt the time between lubb and dubb dilate to what felt like years when you walked in: a beautiful stranger.

I meant only to steal a glance but I couldn't help but stare at you as if you were like Christmas morning. You looked up and caught me in my reverie, like a head-on crash of vision.

Rather than flinch from the impact, I gave you a smile, the kind when someone sees you with your hand in the cookie jar right before dinner. I knew the consequences of my actions well; I was ready for the worst.

Bracing myself, instead you smiled: a bright one, too. You brushed the hair from your cheek and the color of blush you put on was just right.

Thanks for letting me take the cookie. You made my day. Maybe if you catch me again, we can split one over a cup of coffee.

(True story by the way. The only real embellishment was the poetic description. :p )

Kage Bunshin no Jutsu

2009-09-29T01:56:00.000-04:00

I love messing around with photoshop.

I should've used my point and shoot instead of my webcam... ah well... 3.0 coming soon.

xkcd.com/137

2009-09-27T03:22:00.002-04:00

I have that URL ingrained into my memory.

I bring it up because, recently, I've caught a bit of "stage fright" in posting thoughts in this blog, worried at what old and new people might think.

And then I remember: "The solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up."

So I apologize for the lack of updates. I'll get back into a groove with this soon. No worries.

XKCD - Dreams

G'nite. :]

Been a while.

2009-09-21T02:03:00.002-04:00

I think I'm finally adjusted to my new schedule and craziness so expect more content soon.

Dad's headed off the the Philippines tomorrow morning because my Tito isn't doing too well right now. :\

Anyway, I gotta be up in 5 hours. G'nite.

"One can not live within dreams; one can not live without dreams."

Truth

2009-09-04T01:11:00.003-04:00

"If it's true that "Sleep is for the Weak", then I would really love to be a complete WIMP!" -JD

"No one should die, go blind, or be crippled because they can't afford health care. No one should go broke because they get sick. No one should be unable to change jobs because of a "pre-existing condition."" -TT

"Random thought of the Day: "A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. " -Taj

"Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft."

You don't just wait for a wound to heal; you set out to heal it.

2009-09-01T00:03:00.004-04:00

♫: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNd1q3A7OhU

Interesting start to my 2nd first week at school. =P New schedule, new adjustments.

More to write tomorrow probably. Gotta be up in 7 hours. =) G'nite

Full Throttle

2009-08-24T17:29:00.003-04:00

I feel like I haven't had time to write in here; I've just been too tired to think and too busy with other things like dance and other work.

Hopefully getting back to full updating after AASA. =)

♫: Learning Whatever You Like by TI on Guitar
Delicate by Damien Rice on Cello
Miss Independent by Neyo on Piano
You Don't Know Me by Ray Charles on Piano

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

2009-08-24T02:05:00.001-04:00

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with god,
whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Miss Independent on Piano

2009-08-21T11:13:00.004-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRuAId_sB3k
Awesome.

I just found out I probably can't repair my Roland keyboard. All the parts are unavailable now. O.O I GUESS IT'S TIME TO GET A KEYBOARD... anyone selling? =P

"Unfortunately Useful"

2009-08-20T03:45:00.001-04:00

Work in Progress

"Editing Photos"

2009-08-13T01:25:00.005-04:00

"Editing Photos"

I like pictures.
Looking through them
Frozen moments in time.
Packaged emotion.

Sometimes,
I want to edit photos.

Baby pictures,
Childhood pictures,
all but a blur
in contrast to the present.
Everything so new, so open.
Boldly going, free transforming.
Innocence unmarred like
a clean white canvas.
Layers of experience
add the type and
written on with pen.

High school pictures,
friends sliced out,
erased. The flow of time moves,
as much as i want to wave a
magic wand and dodge the hourglass,
Time pulls me by the hand,
across a gradient to black
where only the bright colors
are left standing out.
From my aspect
they were good times,
even though a few were
cropped out of my life.

College pictures
New friendships with
a brightness unfiltered.
Lives transparent,
We were pretty much family.
Picture perfect proof.
But as we got closer
the winds got colder,
the drama burned.
But we all wished we
could get back to that year,
our history, brushed
away with the sands of time.

Pictures of Loves long lost.
Given stamps of appoval,
and jibes brushed off.
But smiles and good times
magnified and zoomed
often show imperfections.
We were imperfect, and
as much as i wanted to
cut and paste our
amalgamation of happy and bad
and as much as i wanted to slide,
showing i didn't really care.
Sometimes i wish i could undo
but then experience taught,
I stepped forward.
copy what i learned,
leaving a pixels chance
that i would make the same
mistakes again.

Looking upon the mess,
I shake my head.
That's if I had Ctrl.
I would be throwing away
all the bad scraps.
And as much I want this
to be a rough draft,
There's no redoing, rearranging
and relabeling what's been done.
And I wouldn't be who
I am.

Close.
Save changes?
No.
No way.
No regrets.

Destiny Dreamer's Alliance - Romeo X Juliet Opening

2009-08-11T03:00:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWTnqQ9-Gpc

Beautiful.

"I Want to Fall So Much in Love" (Snippet 3)

2009-08-09T02:59:00.006-04:00

"I want to fall so much in love
that her embrace would be
my panacea for life. I mean,
who knew that,
Her arms around my neck
mine around her waist
could cool my anger,
melt my icy heart,
give me such happiness,
and soothe my pain away."

I gotta finish this poem sooner or later. And then reedit parts because I might not like them tomorrow. Like this part. (Critiques? What can/should I change? I feel like it doesn't flow as well as I'd like.) For now, sleep.

Carpe Diem / Carpe Noctem

2009-08-05T03:58:00.003-04:00

I'm thankful for fun games played with an epic ading, dinner with friends, downtown at night, long games of uno over dessert, randomly ending up at a club, spontaneous late night / early morning walks around campus with an awesome girl, getting home at 4 AM, and being content with the day you just lived.

P.S. Happy 50th Post. How appropriate. =D

ODST in Training

2009-08-04T03:09:00.002-04:00

I can't wait for the game to come out already. That's my geek-core for the evening.

So much for writing something significant tonight. =P At least I worked out and did laundry after I got home from Dorothy's Birthday Sex Party. hahaha

G'nite.

When you ask life to slow down for a bit...

2009-07-31T01:54:00.002-04:00

it says, "fuck you" and keeps going at its own pace. =P

Clearly, I'm focused on other things than this blog recently. I have much to write in the next couple days though. Be on the look out for multiple updates within the weekend. I have many subjects to write about but i can't settle my thoughts because i'm constantly on the move. Shit goes crazy.

More snippets of this poem...
"I want to fall so much in love
her kiss might kill me. I mean,
I would rest my lips on hers
and I may as well rest in peace
because the peace of mind I find in her kiss
is the only peace that this love
can provide my weary soul."

Work in Progress. Life in Progress.

"I want to fall so much into love..." Snippet

2009-07-28T20:33:00.003-04:00

"I want to fall so much into love
that I lose what's left of my sanity
staring deep into her eyes that
I may never find it again,
and holding on to her
is all the sanity that
I would have left to hold onto."

Don't worry. the final ESR blog will be up. Not much has been happening in life. except everything. haha I've been to busy to think about things recently. =) Maybe with my parents in town I can slow down a bit.

-L.A.

Downtime.

2009-07-15T02:26:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't updated in more than a week. With a couple tests last week and Go Fest weekend, I haven't had much time to collect my thoughts. I still have yet to finish my ESR blog, but don't worry. In due time, hopefully this week, it'll be finished.

Since I'm here, I'll just give you a mini blog on Go Fest weekend. Friday night, drinking and hanging out with Jackie, Cecey, Radhika, and AJ. Also, the double party at Ale House for Ryan and Aimee. I didn't know you could have a party of 40 there. GoFest Beer Pong Tourney was a lot of fun, mostly because I got to see everyone and their mom again.

Saturday, lunch with VIPs and GoFest. It was ridiculously fun. Enough said.

Sunday, drive to Jacksonville after only getting 3 hours of sleep. I think this was the nail in the coffin for me. I definitely got sick that night. It was good seeing my Ates and my Tito and Tita, especially my goddaugter Alana. =)

I know what you're wondering, if you're sick, why are you blogging right now? I just broke my fever about 30 minutes ago and now I can't sleep. I suppose I can give it a try again. =)

Goodnight.

Twitter? Call it my Staccato Blog.

2009-07-07T01:12:00.002-04:00

When I used to write on Xanga, most of the time it was just a daily journal of what I was doing that day. Looking back on it, I really do appreciate the day by day recollection of my life. There are many memories that are pieced together by that blog, and I'm thankful I decided that I was worth a few minutes of time a day to remember what I had done.

When I moved here, I decided I needed a focus to write on each day. With my days being as random as how many red Skittles there are in a bag, I don't get to keep up with daily activity as much as I would like.

In comes my Twitter feed, the one thing I decided to swear off. I didn't believe in micro-blogging, but used in conjunction with regular blogging, I think it might be a perfect match. I was concerned with the lack of depth that Twitter would have, since one's only allowed 140 characters a post, but since daily activity doesn't often need more than 140 characters an event, it will suffice.

I'm calling it my Staccato Blog to fit in with my music theme. You're more than welcome to follow me on twitter as well @xinstruMental. I hope you guys come back here and on twitter to find some depth to myself, my life, and my interests. =)

ESR 2009: 6.25.09 // Gatlinburg, TN to Atlanta, GA

2009-07-07T00:40:00.002-04:00

Going to finish this sooner rather than later...

7AM - Wake up, pack up camp!

8:10AM - ROLL OUT!

9:30AM - I don't know if we're going to make breakfast at Dillard House. They stop at 10:30.

10:33AM - WE MADE IT. We're late but they said it was alright to have breakfast now.

11:30AM - Off to ATL! Wow that was a huge breakfast, more satisfying for Allen since he hadn't eaten since Flapjacks yesterday. Should be a short ride. Interesting names for towns. Cumming. "Hey, are we getting close to.....oh..." Yay for Lawrenceville. I'm going home!

1:30PM - In... LAWRENCEVILLE. I'm home indeed. Rodell's house is really nice. We find, Magel and Don already comfortable. Good to see people again.

2:30PM - Off to the mall with said people and Lenny and Rodell, Good to see both of them again. Mall of Georgia for Transformers IMAX tickets.

3:30PM - SUNO! "This is Suno. It's called Suno because they can't say snow." LoL, Thanks Lenny. We need an H-Mart in Gainesville.

4:30PM - Kate's house before the AYCE Korean BBQ.

7PM - Korean BBQ. All you can eat. I'm. So. Full.

8:30PM - Back to Kate's for videos, chill time, funniness, pole dancing, and dance crews.

1AM Departure from Kate's. Sleep.

ESR 2009: 6.24.09 // Gatlinburg, TN Day 3

2009-07-06T23:50:00.002-04:00

I got a new gadget... over there on my right. My "Staccato Blog" a.k.a. my Twitter feed. I'll explain in my next post =)

ON WITH THE TRIP THAT I NEED TO FINISH.

Slept in today... mmm

11 AM - Flapjacks! Freaking delicious breakfast. The pancakes were perfect, and I wish I got what Allen was having. Stacker, ridiculous.

Noon to 4 PM - Harrah's Cherokee Casino! Wow. We all won at slots. At the ASIAN MACHINES. I knew they would understand us. "Game of Dragons II" After that, I was done since I know I would probably lose more money than I would gain. Slots are like that. I decided to take a walk around and check out the place. Free drinks. Word.

4-5PM Drive back was beautiful, I'm going to miss seeing these mountains a bit. Though part of me says I'll be back here someday.

530PM - Back home. Looks like a chill night before ATL. I need it. I'm tired.

7PM - Finally taking in the campground for what it is. The place is packed but still has it's own aesthetic appeal, almost like a village hidden in a forest by a rushing river. Speaking of that river, it's really nice to have it as ambient sound when you're about to fall asleep.

8PM - Looks like a tuna pack for dinner tonight. I'm sitting on this picnic table catching up with writing. Contemplating my travels so far and to come, my companions, and what I have to go back to.

10PM- Mortal Kombat for DS. I hate Shao Khan. Why are you so hard?! Sleep soon, Dillard House and ATL Tomorrow.

11PM - DS dead, I'm dead. Sleep.

ESR 2009: 6.23.09 // Gatlinburg, TN Day 2

2009-07-05T16:05:00.004-04:00

Again Happy Independence Day everyone! "We hold these truths to be self evident..."

Had some fun with 5 AM yesterday: food, fireworks, and halo. =P

On with that roadtrip i've been posting about.

8ishAM- Wake up to go to the rapids, we gotta make it there by 10 AM. I've been underestimating the time to get places in TN so hopefully it won't take too long.

9:30AM - TN Single lane traffic sucks when you're following slow RVs with double yellow lines.

10AM - Barely made it on time, but it seems that we're early anyway. I'm kinda nervous but comforted by all the pictures in the store.

11AM- Gametime prep. Forgot to sign the waiver. Got our gear and hopping on the bus.

11:30AM - "Stoption" Wish I could do that in Gainesville. Off the bus and getting pumped.

11:40AM - Assigned to the front of the raft?! Into the river we go.

2PM- That was lots of fun but I get the feeling we were held back by that 8 year old in the raft with us. Our guide was cautious to account but she was very knowledgeable. Probably would do that again sometime. (I got the picture in the mail on friday.) =P

2:30 PM - Lunch at Smokey's Bar and Grill. Looks like this guy loves the SEC. Tributes to all the teams in the menu.

3:30PM - Onto grotto falls. Lots of cars but we find a spot along the side of the road. 1.5 Miles. Looks like it's not as bad as the climb to Clingman's Dome, but longer too.

4:30PM - Wow. The falls are beautiful. You can walk behind them to get to the other side. And that water is ridiculously refreshing.

5:00PM - Walkback. Disney themes and marching music. Epic pictures. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I took the third path and nearly busted my ass."

6 to 11 PM - "Downtown" Gatlinburg. Lots and lots of stores. I got myself some short kunai and throwing spikes. =) Yay for weaponry. Ate at Blane's. I don't know why but the town seems so busy but all the restaurants are empty. On the walk back Allen decided to get his FFXIII sword and Char decided to get some taffy. I'm sitting on a corner of Gatlinburg when I run into a familiar face. Vann Patacxil. Funny running into anyone on this trip really. Good catching up with him.

11:30 PM - KOA. Shower and sleep in tonight. What a game we play. Harrah's Casino tomorrow and ???.

Happy Independence Day Everyone!

2009-07-04T12:06:00.003-04:00

ESR 2009: 6.22.09 // Savannah, GA to Gatlinburg, TN

2009-07-02T13:26:00.002-04:00

Two days late, but here's the next part. =)

7AM - Wake up! It's freezing in the room. We use our breakfast pass to load up our plates and head back to our room to distribute to our hungry roommates.

8AM - Gas up. Roll Out.

10AM - Somewhere in South Carolina and we're kinda hungry. Getting Subway. SCAR is everywhere. It's starting to get hilly on our drive, even though I knocked out for an hour or so. I didn't know there was a Spartanburg. Epic name. So, we pull into the subway parking lot and across the way I see something that reminds me of my Ading Jana. "Lizard's Thicket" Ah, good times.

11AM- I'm behind the wheel now, and Char's in the shotgun. Allen's in need of PTFO.

NOON- "Whoa." "What?" "Mountains."

12:30PM- WTF MOUNTAINS.

1PM- I'm thoroughly freaked by the twisting drive and all the semi's but thankfully Allen's taking over the drive.

2PM- We make it into Cherokee territory and see Harrah's Casino. Into Great Smoky Mountain National Park.

Rest of the day- We hit the NC/TN Line @ Newfound Gap. Beautiful views, lots of pictures. After that we went down to set up camp at Townsend Koa, lots of people but we got a nice spot. After that, we headed up to Clingman's Dome, the top of the mountain and to an observatory. I'm telling you that I underestimated hiking uphill. I really did. Less than halfway there Ading and I were wheezing. I blame my out of shape body and the thinner air. Allen's a beast. LoL. After that more pictures at Newfound Gap and then Bojangles. My how advertising is effective.

G'nite.

ESR2009: 6.21.09 // Savannah, GA

2009-06-22T00:01:00.000-04:00

ESR2009 = Epic Summer Roadtrip 2009!

This is a split post because I have much to write for each day haha.

Beware. tl;dr yet epic material ahead.
Most events can be coupled with my photo album on my Facebook. =)

6.21.09 // Gainesville, FL to Savannah, GA
7AM- Depart from 5 AM HQ. Maria, Charamy, Allen and I pile into Allen's car to meet up with Ading Kayla and her crew: Jenny, Aimee, and Klara.

7:30AM- Met with Kayla. Klara's grad present: GPS aptly named LC for her 10 mile off course trying to get to Red Lobster. lol Off to Jacksonville to hit I95

8:30AM- Wtf, i didn't realize how big Jacksonville was until i saw we hit the city limit all the way out here...

8:50AM- Finally I95. Hour and a half to go. Char and Maria are ptfo and my eyes are feeling heavy. Didn't get much sleep last night, unfortunately; I was probably just excited to get going on this trip. Ah, well.

10:20AM- Savannah! We're in rush mode to make it on time to Paula Deen's at 11. Check in and roll!

11AM- JUST MADE IT! Paula Deen's Sunday Brunch. The best southern food I have ever had. That fried chicken was ridiculous. All the best qualities of fried chicken, minus all the greasiness. How that was possible, I may never know. Definitely as good as I imagined. Thanks to Alex for getting us a table! =)

12:30PM- Shopping in Savannah. It's so hot. We ran into this cool honey store. Funny hats, too.

2PM- Monuments and monuments and monuments. Would be a perfectly nice walk minus this 90 degree weather. We ran into the point where they filmed Forrest Gump waiting at the bus stop!

2:30PM- So we decide River St. is a good next destination. We drive down this one way street and end up at this pseudo dead end with a passage way for a trolly. We decide to ford it and we end up bouncing around in our cars on this cobblestone street. Something like saying "Ah" in front of a fan. haha

3PM- We hit the hotel for a while. We're booked for 4 people, but we're stuffing 8 into the room. "What if we get caught?" "Let's just say, we all got drunk and we ended up here. All you girls have your own hotel but couldn't drive drunk." "Allen, we are pimps." I'm tired so I end up napping with Maria and Char while everyone else hits the mall. Much needed.

6PM-Wake up, get ready and roll to dinner on River St. Ghost tour after!

7PM- We were supposed to got Huey's but we ended up at Tubby's Tank House. Mmm, seafood.

7:45PM- Testing our memory and nostalgia. US Capitals of the world, TV shows, Animaniacs and Hey Arnold! over Crab Cake burgers. So Delicious.

8PM- Walking back down River to all the shops. I love street performers. So much stuff I kinda want but don't need. I was looking for a new charm for my chain and a stainless steel ring. I need a size 12. Hopefully, I'll find a good one online.

9PM- At starbucks awaiting for the lady to do the Ghost tour. I'm not scared, partially attributed to my change in faith, I suppose. I'm thirsty but skip out on buying Starbucks water. Hoping for drinks on the tour? Ecto Cooler? =) The night is still warm, though I see lightning in the distance, setting the mood.

10:30PM- Always skeptical. That's how my mind works. I'm thinking my logic would explain the spirit world or lack thereof, but I'm open minded to possibilities. Not taking pictures because everyone else is. Let's see if anyone catches a so called orb. I'm even more skeptical because she says you have to use flash.

11:30PM- Tour over. I found it to be more historical than ghastly. Still, I enjoyed it very much. I'm still open to the supernatural though.

12AM- SO TIRED. Hotel. I can't believe we just bum rushed Savannah and did all this. I see an orb in Kay's cam but I think it might just be dust. Shower and then sleep in my little cubby in the corner of the room.

Content

2009-06-18T03:11:00.002-04:00

I always appreciate that feeling at the end of the day that says, "Hey, you had a good day today, did everything you wanted to do, and lived to the fullest."

Carpe diem, indeed. Carpe noctem, indeed.

I guess one of my goals in life is to find that contentment at the end of the day, everyday. =)

Here's to pushing it to the limit.

Good night; G'nite.

The things you don't see...

2009-06-16T17:25:00.002-04:00

In my last two posts I have embedded videos that don't show up on facebook. They would make more sense if they were there.

So if you want to get the full experience, click on "View original post" at the bottom of my note. =) I'll also try to leave links next to the video so it shows up in the post.

Well, I just got home from work and I want to start learning Passions' Feel Good Medley. Looks like rain outside so I'm not going anywhere. Hopefully I can pick everything out. =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6eNaxFgdo8

You know that piece I'm looking for piano...

2009-06-16T01:56:00.001-04:00

I found something. =)

Hello again. =)

2009-06-15T23:15:00.004-04:00

Wow, two posts in two days. I'm telling you this is going to work.

My hands are tired. I really never let them rest do I? Between gaming, music, work, and the computer, my hands are going to be so beat up when I get older.

Speaking of which, guitar has me playing all these love songs, sappy and sad. Makes me kind of wish I had a girlfriend, although I AM enjoying my single life. =) It's ok, I'll figure that out some other time. Can't we streamline this process though? "Hey, I'm accepting applications for a hot girlfriend. Must be able to relate and tolerate, love music and be adventurous. Must also be smart and have a great personality and sense of humor. Jealous types need not apply. " lol

A while back I started writing a list of things that I look for in a girl, as suggested by a certain friend of mine. =) It's not a fully serious list; entries range from as serious as "Inspires me to be a better person" to as lighthearted as "Must be a good kisser." The key is trying to find a girl that can match as many as possible. =) Now, don't think me crazy, I'm not ever endeavoring to match this list; just think of it as a guideline. Want to see it? Ain't going to happen, only VIP get to see the whole list. =) Besides, it's not done, nor will it ever be done. =)

Anyway, my prime directive this summer has been music, mostly guitar as of late. I only have a couple songs that I've been working on the cello, and I have yet to find a piece that matches my current state of skill on the piano. My piano playing is so rusty, it's disheartening. My guitar playing is reaching new heights though so I can't complain too much, but I really, and I mean REALLY, need to get back to the piano.

This is the latest song I've worked on. Hopefully record this with my Ading Jana before that road trip. =)

J Holliday's Suffocate (Acoustic)

I used to have this habit.

2009-06-15T00:46:00.002-04:00

I used to have this habit of posting something every day, regardless of how insignificant it might be. Just a little while ago I was flipping through my old blog @ xanga.com/zer0_X and I found posts that made me cross the emotional spectrum: Chat room logs of Merfil, Kenny, and Pat laughing about breasts and thighs for a BBQ, a live performance of Tifa's theme on piano, an informational video about a cat with cerebral hypoplasia, Random Moments in Life, my view of the world in 2006, and a valediction to friends that have passed and a dog that I loved. While all these short posts don't all have a certain significance to them, each represents a moment in time for me that I can always remember and relate to: A fragment of memory that you can always refer to as a a beacon for your long term memory to find and pick up the trail to other memories, which, although insignificant, pulls you back like a delorian at 88 mph.

Recently, I've been pretty lax about posting in this blog, mostly because I always want something significant to post. I left xanga because I wanted to get away from that "less mature" version of me and away from other unsavory things. I've put a little pressure on myself to only post when I have something "worth" posting, but reading through all these old xanga posts I'm finding that everything has its worth: it's the worth you put in it. Having that second record of life transpiring is nice to have when your long term memory tends to shuffle older memories into the deep storage where a only the right key will open the drawer.

So with that, expect to see more posts, regardless of how long or short, useful or useless they may be. Allow this to be a testament to my existence and a fossil record to my evolution.

-Lawrence Alec Geronimo Mabilangan

You know what bothers me?

2009-06-09T19:28:00.002-04:00

When someone takes the address you want, but when you go to that address, it's just an abandoned and blank site.

instrumental.blogspot.com

You're taking up the space that I want.

My struggle with Theism

2009-04-13T18:20:00.003-04:00

It seems that the more I study about religion and theology, the less I believe in it. I was born and raised Catholic per tradition. My parents are both Catholic; typical since the Philippines is actually a Catholic Republic (not like the United States, mind you. Treaty of Tripoli: Article 11). They made sure to send me to Catholic school all through elementary, middle, and high school: St. Joseph, St. Lawrence, and St. Thomas Aquinas. Even though I did study Catholicism my whole grade school career, the years spent in high school were the most enlightening.

My sophomore year I had Theology with Mr. Penn, a hardcore, well studied Catholic. He gave me everything I needed to know about Catholicism in general, and taught with such zeal when referring to the Catechism and the Douay-Rheims Bible. The teachings of the Catholic Church were more absolute than I had previously thought, and it surprised me how much I didn't know about my own faith. So I studied and read more about Catholicism, and though the teachings and the knowledge was more solidified in my head, doubt just seemed to be more abundant.

Another year passed and I ended up in World Religions Honors in my senior year. Though I believed that the class was just created for the appeasing of many students that could not fill their entire schedule with honors and AP classes the other three years of their high school career, I decided to take it to broaden my horizons and hope to concrete my belief in Catholicism. It did broaden my knowledge of religion; I studied Shinto, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and many more. As for my belief in Catholicism and even Christianity, I was left with nothing but doubt. Even though my teacher gave reasons as to why Catholicism was the "truth" when compared to other religions' "truth", Catholicism and Christianity still had the same holes that the other religions did.

Then, I was in college. My view became less centered on my world and more centered around the world in general, and everything wrong with it. This is when I realized how god-less the world was and how corrupt and unjust the institutions controlling religion were. I would not say my faith was shattered, but rather it was slowly eaten away, like acid upon another substance.

Maybe I'm disenfranchised by the institutions that be, but my logic is too hard pressed for solid evidence. I'm not atheist, though I'm pretty sure I'm agnostic. Speaking of which, why are atheists so demonized in the public eye? That's a whole other post, and I'm kinda getting sleepy. My mind is not set either; I can still change my mind completely. There's still many things to read, and proverbial miles before I sleep.

New Clothes

2009-04-10T18:05:00.002-04:00

Trying out some new looks for my blog. Page is under construction.

The Fray - You Found Me (Acoustic Stairwell)

2009-03-10T00:57:00.001-04:00

Currently Learning:

a simple dream...

2009-02-09T14:57:00.003-05:00

would it be too much to ask to live a life of musical endeavors, constant worldly exploration, and simple pleasures with good friends and a cool girlfriend?

i dream big, too... but this i wouldn't mind this either.

Obama LiveBlog

2009-01-20T12:42:00.005-05:00

11:43am - Lawrence is completely excited about the Inaugaration! Obama's walking out right now!!!

11:50am - ... Ring ring? Who's there? History? I've been expecting your call. Watching the Obama Inaugaration!!! w00t!

12:00pm - w0rD! John Williams ddid an arrangement of Simple Gifts! AND YO YO MA... SO MUCH WIN. 12:00pm

12:06pm - Lawrence is "YEAHHHH PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!! little nervous there. but it's ok! =P"

12:20pm - Lawrence "Your people will judge you on what you build... not what you destroy."

12:26pm - Lawrence ... damn good speech.

12:28pm - A little nervous there eh?

12:30pm - After Obama's speech, this person just sounds like she hasn't ever read a poem in front of a crowd. She's no Maya Angelou.

12:32pm - There are so many people there. They're saying about 2 million people have gathered.

12:34pm - You got the whooooole world... in your hands. The benediction by the Reverend-Who's-Name-I-Know-Not. Yes we can!

12:36pm - I liked the ending of that benediction. haha

12:38pm - Ah the star spangled banner. i love hearing it in general.

12:40pm - w0rd.

12:50pm - Bush has left aboard Executive One.

♫ 16 Things Concerto No. 2 in C Minor ♪

2009-01-14T00:37:00.006-05:00

Yes again. I've been tagged 5 times by people that weren't in my original list.

It's a cold night and i'm kinda bored... so here's another 16 out of respect to them.

The title of this post refers to this piece. Please listen to it. =)

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you.

At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I love text messaging people. Randomly. I spam everyone that's on my recent recipients list.

2. The skin on my shoulders is keloidal, meaning if I get a cut, bite, or pimple in that area, it's likely that it will turn into a raised scar. They look pretty bad, and they hurt if someone hits them. T.T

3. I am the messiest person in my family. I don't know why I didn't get the "clean gene." Everyone else is so meticulous.

4. I absolutely love the cold weather, when I'm bundled up correctly. I could walk around in it and hang out all day. I don't think I like snow though.

5. I'm addicted to AIM if you haven't already noticed. It's the easiest form of non-intimate informal social interaction. It's fun. What else can i say? lol

6. I like giving names to inanimate objects with some sort of significant value to me. Examples: My Car - Motoko, after the samurai girl in Love Hina. My Sushi Knives from smallest to largest: Soprano, Treble, Bass.

7. I'm a hugs kind of person, meaning if you're a friend i'm comfortable with, i'm going to hug you. If that bothers you, tell me. lol I hope it doesn't though.

8. The reason why I'm a hugs person is because I've had good friends pass away from my life suddenly. I've learned on a few occasions that friends should always be appreciated while they're there. It's a hard lesson to learn. Life is far too short to take them for granted. Or anything for that matter.

9. I believe in "If a person is nice to his friends, but not to the waiter/waitress, then he or she is not a nice person." Basically, being nice shouldn't be reserved for people you're close to, but also random strangers. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him no good."

10. I love being spontaneous and flexible. That's why i can never hold a solid schedule. Of course there are things i would like to get done during the day, and somethings i have to have a set time and date for, but I generally just set an estimate for when i need to take care of things or do things.

11. The 5 AM Crew was randomly started from #10. Originally, the name was concocted from the fact we all played this one MMORPG together until the wee hours of the morning, hence 5 AM. =P I want to make it completely clear that 5 AM is and never will be exclusive. Invites are open with the only stipulation being I don't want my house overfull. =P Since then we've grown and evolved and I hope things get even better.

12. I pick music apart when I listen to it. I like to focus on one instrument and just listen to that one instrument. Be it drums, bass, oboe, trumpet, shamisen, I can hear it. (I love super high quality music because of this.) I blame it on Music History / Music Lit yet again. I can listen to orchestral pieces over and over again and never get bored.

13. I have 24 FSA Adings and 1 Little Sister... so 25. They are as follows: Dianne (My little sister), Jana, Kayla Gutierrez, Anna Ho, Tiffany Managad, Charamy Vicoy, Kelsey San Antonio, RJ Obcemea, Mitch Talana, Jenny Talana, Emil Rodolfo, Kirk Pascua, Cathy Javellana, Esther Ko, Kyle Dimalanta, Maria Bonilla, Bernadette Boac, Matt Ouano, Edwin Andres, Vanie Vu, Avian Avena, Dorothy Charles, JJ Arguelles, Angel Guevara, and Amy Rigby.

14. I have been doing sushi since Feb 05, which means it will be 4 years next month that I've been rolling sushi. I started at Szechuan Panda until August of the same year and i've been at Bento ever since.

15. I tend to be a what you see is what you get kind of person, meaning if i have a problem with you, i'm not going to talk to everyone else about it and not talk to you. I believe in working through problems, not around them. I've seen problems get worse just because things weren't said. I will tell you, politely and calmly. =) 95% of the time.

16. I love my friends. I hope things don't stay the same, but get better. =) Time spent together is always important to me. And one can not truly seize the day without someone there to back you up. =) "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow ~ Don't walk behind me, I may not lead ~ Just walk beside me and be my friend." "A faithful friend is the medicine of life." "Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods."

I'm tagging people. Because. =)

All That I Can Say...

2009-01-08T18:06:00.000-05:00

I love this song.

Click:
SOTO - All That I Can Say

16 Random Things ♫

2009-01-03T09:47:00.002-05:00

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you.

At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I kinda wish I had straight growing hair. My hair is normally wavy.

2. I've played video games since I was 6 years old, and my vision is perfect. =P

3. Music has become more and more a part of me through appreciation there of. I blame it only partly on the fact that I've been playing piano since I was 5; more so on the Music History class I took in high school and the Music Literature class I took at UF.

4. Technology and the internet intrigue me. I remember starting off on AOL when 28.8 modems were the thing. I watched this culture's infancy and growth. Still amazes me.

5. I keep most of everything sentimental. Greeting cards, love letters, palancas from high school, glowsticks from when i was a raver, drawings, anything with some sort of memory attached. Most of them are in a shoebox in my room.

6. Instruments I own: Piano Keyboard, Cello, Guitar, Harmonica, Ocarina, Recorder, Cowbell

7. I've been referred to, in more ways than one, as a lazy-smart person, meaning that if I actually put effort, I could get straight As.

8. I have a cat named Luna, after the cat in Sailor Moon. She's not a black cat, but she's the sweetest thing ever (when she's not throwing up. lol).

9. I've always tried to live on giving people a chance, no matter what people say about them. The world is filled with negativity, and I'm determined to add as little to that as possible. The attitude probably comes from my high school days.

10. Speaking of High School, I was a raver back then. Peace Love Unity and Respect was my battle cry and still is, just less vocal. p l u r

11. I always have to be connected to people somehow, be it AIM, text messages, cell phone, etc. If I'm missing all of these, I get antsy. I can never leave home without my cell phone.

12. I download music and movies, but I'll buy a DVD if I really like the movie. I'll buy the CD if the artist is great or they're independent.

13. Cooking is one of my favorite hobbies. One of the only things in the world that appeals to all 5 senses. I don't enjoy cooking well for myself though. I feel that cooking is an experience to be shared. If I'm only cooking for myself I'll just make something that I can eat. haha. Maybe one day I'll own my own restaurant.

14. My family and friends are my greatest asset. I believe you are, at least partly, the company you keep.

15. I believe in the good of people. I trust easily. Although this can get me in trouble and people have taken advantage of this, I find that life filters them out quite easily.

16. I'm naturally a happy-go-lucky person and hopelessly optimistic. I believe days can't be wasted being down, because you'll never get that time back. Life is short. Carpe diem. "I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." "To put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived."

I'm tagging people based on the highest possibility of completion. =)

Songs to Learn: Winter Break 2008

2008-12-20T14:27:00.002-05:00

Recently, I picked up my guitar, again. I flip around on different instruments as much as I flip around on majors, but that's a different story. I remember when I first started playing guitar; I had such a huge issue with pressing down on the fretboard. I haven't had that trouble again with picking up the guitar now, and I feel that my abilities are much better than they were before. I'm picking up songs faster than ever. I really can't wait to get back to south florida so I could practice, and hopefully get some good enough for woodser. =)

Guitar Song list (Open to suggestions):
1. mario kart love song by some youtube guy
2. iris by the goo goo dolls
3. i wanna be with you by hootie and the blowfish
4. I'm Yours - Jason Mr.A-Z
5. Remembering Sunday - all time low
6. Remember to Breathe - Dashboard
7. glycerine by bush
8. say it ain't so by weezer
9. everlong by foo fighters
10. my hero (cover) by paramore
11. no such thing by john mayer
12. emotions by beegees

I wish I had a piano back home so i could practice that, too, but this will have to suffice.

a thanksgiving poem...

2008-11-28T00:58:00.000-05:00

Twas the afternoon before Thanksgiving dinner and all throughout HQ not a creature was stirring... not even one of the crew.
The blankets were folded by don on the futon with care, in hopes that 5 AM would soon be back there.

The members were nestled all at home in their beds, while visions of turkey simmered in their heads.
And L.A. in his bed and luna on his side, had just arrived home from long long drive.

When out of the Macy's Day Parade, arose such a show. Rick Astley in black, doing a rickroll.
Away to youtube I checked within the hour,
opened my laptop and started my browser.

Alas, with a fan's breeze and 2 hours to go, I desperately need a nap. P.T.F.O.

HAPPPY THANKSGIVING!!! Here's some love.... mario kart style....

2008-11-26T22:49:00.002-05:00

A very cute song that hits close to home for me. Hilarious, too.

Welcome Newcomer. =)

2008-11-24T01:29:00.001-05:00

I just posted this website on facebook, so I'm assuming any new traffic is from there. Welcome to my blog. It's not much now, but I hope to post more soon and often. =)

Finally Instru-Mental

2008-11-20T18:50:00.002-05:00

A couple posts back I was complaining about not having enough time to play my instruments. They say, "If you don't have the time, make the time." I was able to get back to practicing my instruments a day or two ago, and I must say it feels so good to return. I was able to continue learning my cello: working on vibrato, correlating notes on paper to positions on the neck, bowing technique. I finally got back to playing my piano: playing Coldplay, Final Fantasy, Tony Bennet, Joe Hisashi. I even got to practice the ocarina, learning simple songs and finger technique. It feels awesome to get back to music again. I feel, for a lack of better words, happy to play. I almost lose myself in the music everytime. Now, if i could only get back to working on my spoken word... one hurdle at a time, L.A.

Random late night thoughts on a drive home...

2008-11-19T03:32:00.004-05:00

It's really freaking cold, but hot drinks normally mean caffeine?
Is there such thing as one true love?
Do what you love, or pay the bills?
Would you die for someone?
Would you risk your own life for another?
If you died today, do you know who would come to your funeral?
If you disappeared, do you know who would go out and look for you?

"You got my heart s-s-skippin."

2008-11-14T16:38:00.003-05:00

I want to learn this... =) Kaba Modern is the shit.

DTJ 2008

2008-11-10T01:24:00.004-05:00

Def Talent Jam. My have you changed in the years I've been here. Once amazing at the Venue, stumbling into the 238 Complex, and contemplating the O'Connell Center, you've had your growing pains, but it's nice to see you maturing well.

This was a huge transition year, moving from the long one-location format to a two separate locations format, and I must say I enjoyed it so much more than any other DTJ I've been to. There are so many advantages: Not as rowdy / drunk crowd, professional atmosphere, time between performance and party, not standing for 8 hours. From what I saw, it went off without a hitch, with the exception of the club being dicks about letting people in, a minor glitch that can be fixed easily. I can not wait to see what's next. Congrats to Sarah and the FSA E-Board. Great Job.

So many instruments

2008-11-06T15:00:00.001-05:00

Ever since I can remember, I've always been into music, even before I understood it. According to my parents, I'd quiet down and fall asleep to Richard Clayderman every night. I started piano at the ripe age of 5, with music teacher Mrs. Penalver at St. Joseph in Miami. I continually took lessons, but hopped from teacher to teacher until I went "solo" in high school. I was encouraged to join choir for a while, starting on and off between 1st and 8th grade. Throughout high school, I randomly learned new styles, new pieces, and I picked up my first guitar through the intervention of my cousins in the Philippines. When I got to UF I was surrounded by talented musicians: Mark, Merfil, Patrick. I ended up in an acapella group known as Untitled. Even now, I draw inspiration from the people around me: Jane, Trisha, Cindy, Raf, etc.

I'm working on a bunch of instruments at the moment. I'm constantly trying to get back up to speed on my piano, still learning the guitar and the cello, and I'm messing around with the ocarina and the harmonica. I'm having a hard time balancing them all out. I figure I should switch focus from week to week, but time hardly gives me a break. I know what they say: "If you don't have the time, you make the time." And I bet I could... if i would stop blogging and facebooking right now...

Obama

2008-11-05T03:00:00.000-05:00

History is being made. Barack Obama is now our President-Elect. Truly a time of change for America. I'm glad we have a black president, but now, apparently, we need to work on our tolerance of homosexuality seeing that Amendment 2 got passed in Florida. Press on, Change. Press on.

Go Fest Recap

2008-07-13T21:37:00.011-04:00

GoFest: It's the summer clubbing event I look forward to every year. I think I was especially excited for this year because it's the first time I've been solidly single for it; not that I was looking for a crazy time, but I just wanted to get back into a scene I had cut myself out of for more than 3 years.

It was nice seeing everyone again after a quiet summer A spent running 5 AM and adventuring. It seemed that everyone had a great time, either sober or drunk. I thought I might be able to write something deep and insightful, but I'll just run by some of the highlights for the night.

Ryan cursing out people for skipping the line.
The sign outside the pool at University Terrace.
Tsang yelling that he was DD for the night.
Allen having the time of his life and getting down with the ladies.
Seeing all the people that have been missing from my summer.
People coming in from out of town.
Chris and I smoking Al Capones outside of Hung's apartment.
Dean running the FSA Secret Service.
Mitch getting down with everyone, including me.
Getting to talk to and know Vi.
Missing Sexual Eruption twice in two days.
Seeing Klara up on the pole.
Trisha letting out a giggle upon realizing she could slam "That's what she said." on Mark. (So proud of you.)
Mark changing walking course when a topless girl jumped out of the pool walking out of Hung's apartment.
Long talks at WhatABurger with a drunken Jana, Maria, and Mark.
Watching Huy get down.
The catch up talks with Professor X.
The dubbing of Professor X, Dorothy Charles.
Cindy's constant cock blocking.
Doing the David on Clarissa.
Finding out Raf busted his ass on his scooter again.
The morning after GoFest.
***more to be added as I remember***

GoFest 2008, thanks for the weekend.

Simple Pleasures

2008-06-29T02:54:00.005-04:00

Every Monday, I like to contemplate what happened during the weekend. This Monday being no different from the rest, my mind took it's normal course into it's contemplation of the weekend, but rather than focusing on the events it's thoughts rested on the people I spent it with.

I see the weekend as the getaway from everything, and when I ask what people want to do on the weekend, I do it as a respect to their wishes. I'd like to think that people do not feel obligated to come over on Friday, so I feel that I am almost required to ask the question. When I do, I get the response a la Brain: "Same thing we do every night, Pinky." Not to say that I mind, but I worry that my friends might be getting tired of the same old song and dance. I get the impression they do not seem to mind either.

I believe that it's not the activities that keep us together, but simply the camaraderie. We all play video games together, but I don't think we all meet just to play video games, that's something you can do when you're at home alone. It's the nights that pass 5 AM and still feel like you can conquer the world. It's the laughing about the "that's what she said" said out loud because you can (and it's free). It's the random serious discussions about people and problems, and sorting out feelings about the such. It's all the Saturday morning sunrises that I've seen in 6 weeks. I feel that I have gotten much closer to these people this summer, so much so I feel that I can refer to them as my family.

I think this is turning into one of those mushy posts, so I'll end right here. I felt that something close to my heart should be the first official post here.

That's all folks.

A new beginning

2008-06-27T18:00:00.000-04:00

Time to leave xanga and start anew in what I feel is a more mature setting.

This is simply about me: My dreams, my endeavors, my questions, my philosophy, my life.